


nothing but sunlight

by Hanabiie



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, singji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 04:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanabiie/pseuds/Hanabiie
Summary: Minji hated how her smiles were never enough to make Siyeon stay





	nothing but sunlight

 

[Trigger Warning] Depression, character's death, mentions of suicide

 

**Part i.  
Present**

 

The world is enormous, too huge and full of wonders. Minji loves to wander, she loves to explore, she finds beauty in discovering the unknowns and wants to leave her footprints everywhere she goes, so that someday down the memory lane trip, she will have something to remember, to look back on and to reminisce upon. But many times, Minji feels insignificant because in this vast space of all kinds of people, why would she matter? 

 

She probably doesn’t. 

 

People see her as the sun that hangs high up above in the sky, brightening the day and showering the Earth with warmth. However, Minji knows that when night time comes, when the moon and stars take over the sky, she will cease to existence, forgotten and thrown into the back of people’s mind. Because during the dark, people will only remember the stars that lit up the night sky, those glistening ones that shine a path for their lost heart back home and the half-moon that is watching over them, listening to their sorrow songs. They don’t need the sun. 

 

Minji doesn’t like who she is but she still thinks that she carries the entire world and that no matter how grey and gloomy the day might appear to be like, she will always be the one that glows because she is the sun and her smile will always belong to everyone else’s. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji thinks that she is very late. At least the time on her wrist watch says so. She is always on time, always punctual so she keeps on pondering just what had gone wrong this time. It doesn’t settle well in her heart. Was it the alarm that didn’t ring, or was it the sandwich that had given her the runs this morning or perhaps, could it the bus that had arrived ten minutes later than its scheduled time? 

 

“Can I have your train ticket, please?” 

 

A bad start of the day often leads to a string of disaster. Minji didn’t want to be superstitious and she wasn’t one to begin with but here she is, rummaging through her pockets and backpack, fumbling for any signs of a piece of paper that holds her ticket number, and the pair of interrogating eyes is running out of patience with a sea of passengers in their seat, eager for the train to depart. 

 

“Hey, is this yours? I found it on the floor.” A voice pierces through her ears and snaps Minji back into reality, a good one indeed when she is met with the ticket that she thought she had lost. 

 

“Yes, that’s mine. Oh gosh, thank you so much!” 

 

Overwhelmed with joy and relief, Minji’s face lights up; she grabs the other’s hands and lifts her head, ready to express her gratitude towards her saviour, she feels her heart skips a beat and for a moment, her world stops, as if she has slipped into a parallel universe where only the two of them exist. 

 

She is beautiful, she is mesmerising.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji doesn’t believe in fate. She thinks that life is a path full of divergences and it’s the choices that people make that ultimately determines who they are. So, when she loses her belonging, her camera to be exact, for the second time in a foreign city, she is pleasantly surprised to find the familiar pair of hands hoisting over her camera and that same pair of glistening eyes staring back into hers.  

 

“Oh, hi there, beautiful stranger, we meet again.” 

 

She doesn’t think that she will remember.  

 

One loses something and one finds it, like how they have been crossing each other’s path as if they are meant to be. And Minji doesn’t care if they are on a crash course, even if they are, she will still take it. Because she thinks that this is fate, and this is a choice. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siyeon is the name, Lee Siyeon, Minji later learns. She doesn’t know if her name carries any deep meaning but it is easy to remember and it sounds pleasant to her ears. She also learns that the girl is a year younger than her and has just finished college in Seoul, in a school that’s many, many, many bus stops away from hers. Also, her new found company is peculiar, she’s a furry ball of curiosity. Her attention is easily pricked, mind loading with question after question, as if she will forget about them if she doesn’t ask immediately. And she never once stops. 

 

But Minji remains doubtful because she has lived for twenty-three years, met many people and seen countless things, and it makes her wonder if there’s anything left in the world that are worth looking forward to. 

 

_Siyeon, Siyeon, Siyeon._

 

Maybe there really is. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is easy to get bored of life, especially when all people do is eat, sleep and work. And the cycle repeats day after day. Minji thought that she would chance upon something different after coming to a different city – maybe learn a new language, get to know a different culture or pick up a new scenery but humans are still humans, they’re accustomed to stagnation, they don’t like changes. Or maybe, they are all afraid of changes. 

 

So, one day, when the sound of the guitar halts Siyeon in her footsteps by the roadside, and she asks if she can borrow the instrument from the performer, muttering about how the world is too serious and that they should let go and be a little more crazier, Minji thought that she was just goofing around. 

 

Because crowds overwhelm Minji; it terrifies her. She thinks that she isn’t going to get out of it without suffocating. 

 

But Siyeon doesn’t waver with her reluctant look. Instead, her fingers start strumming the strings and the soothing voice echoes down the street, resonates in her ears and sinks deeply into her heart. She never knew that she was this good in singing. And then she starts dancing in the same spot with her feet, jamming to the rhythm, the performer follows suit and an arm stretches out, urging for Minji to join in the fun, which she refuses.  

 

A few people, probably some middle-aged men and some students, throw them a quick side glance, or two and stroll past them. The street is as cold as their stares and nobody stops; there isn’t a crowd. But Minji still feels uneasy, her gaze fixated onto the floor, avoiding those judgmental eyes that pass by, probably thinking just what the hell are these clowns doing right in the middle of the street. 

 

It’s embarrassing.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

If singing is Siyeon’s interest, then photography will be Minji’s. She isn’t a professional photographer, nor is she planning to become one. Because being a photographer doesn’t sit well financially, of course as a college graduate, she has to think about her future career. So, a hobby it is.  

 

Minji doesn’t usually have a main subject for her picture-taking, though she has no idea why there has to be one in the first place. But she’s obsessed with symmetric and shades. If not, basically, she just loves capturing anything and everything, as long as it is beautiful – the mountain view, sunset, food, smiles, night streets…  

 

She loves the night streets here because the neon in the background illuminates the world of black, painting it with colours, making it seems like a movie set from the future world. And Minji thinks that everyone looks forward to being in the future, in someone’s future as they go, right?  

 

Holding her camera up, Minji looks through the lens and focuses in, clicks – and Siyeon is there, she doesn’t know how she got there, somewhere in the middle of the picture, mingling with the night walkers. Usually, Minji will be in distraught, grumbling about how her picture is ruined but not this time. The girl seems to blend into the picture just right.  

 

Minji put down her camera and finds Siyeon waving back at her enthusiastically with a playful grin, trying to grab her attention even though she doesn’t need to and then, she scurries off until she’s almost out of sight but Minji still manages to catch a glimpse of her back.  

 

She smiles.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siyeon seems to have noticed that she will be in Minji’s frame a lot because every time she raises her camera, the girl would strike a goofy pose, sometimes sticking her tongue out and putting on her widest smile. And she wonders if she’s trying be photogenic or to make her laugh?  

 

“Make sure I look good.” 

 

Of course, she didn’t need to ask. Anything for her.  

 

But Siyeon moves from her spot and comes up behind her with a mischievous grin and whispers into her ears before she can realign her focus, “Do a proper job. This is going to be my funeral photo,” and she gives her a wink before hurrying off.  

 

The realisation comes up late on Minji’s side. What in the world? She curses inwardly and removes her camera, spending the whole evening chasing Siyeon down the shoreline, accompanied by the arrays of yellows and oranges from the setting sun.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siyeon never sounds like one to make plans. She never was. She is spontaneous, doesn’t care about what others think about her. When she feels like doing something, she goes all out and does it without thinking twice. Minji once questions the girl out of curiosity, asking why is she constantly on the go, why can’t she slow down even for just a bit? She thinks of this as impulsiveness, recklessness, something that she isn’t familiar with but it isn’t the case for Siyeon. Somehow, the girl manages to convince her that life is nothing more than living in the moment.  

 

And Minji has no words for that.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You keep a diary?” 

 

Minji picks up the hardcover book that had, for some reason, dropped and was laying freely on the carpet floor. There’s a lock and she fiddles with the passcode for a moment, finally giving up after a few unsuccessful tries.  

 

Siyeon has secrets? That’s new.  

 

“It’s not a diary,” Siyeon retrieves it and punches in a few numbers. Minji tries to peek but her fingers were faster. The cover opens and she gives it back to the inquisitive girl. “It’s a bucket list.” 

 

“Bucket list?” 

 

“Yeah,” Siyeon nods.  

 

 

 ~~Get rid of my bangs and cut a new hair~~  
Go on a backpack trip   
Have a nice chat with a random stranger   
See a firework   
Cook for someone   
~~Smoke~~  
Stand at the top of the mountain   
~~Sing in the middle of the street~~    
~~Make a girl laugh with a pick-up line~~  (hmm…?)   
~~Steal someone’s train ticket~~  (what?!?!) 

 

 

“Wait, you were the one who stole my train ticket?” Minji exclaims in dismay as she pauses for a moment before continuing flipping through the remaining pages in a haste. She doesn’t bother to dwell in details. Just why? How? She isn’t in disbelief, she’s just in awe.  

 

Siyeon rubs the back of her neck awkwardly and smiles sheepishly, totally didn’t expect for Minji to find out this way, “It’s just for fun.” 

 

“For fun? Really?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Minji wants to laugh, “This is ridiculous.” 

 

“Doesn’t it happen sometimes, you know, like when you see people passing by on the streets and you think about how they’re living a life that’s totally different from yours? It’s intriguing, and how cool would it be to exchange a journey with a stranger whom you don’t know at all, even if it’s just for a day?”  

 

Her reasoning makes sense. She’s good at reasoning anyway. But Minji still doesn’t think that it’s cool. Stealing is a crime, that’s a fact and she isn’t interested at all in trading her freedom for a mere experience. 

 

“Then why didn’t you run away? Why did you still come back and return me the ticket? Aren’t you afraid that I might call the police?” 

 

“Because we’re heading to the same place, my dear. There’s no point. And what’s more, you’re pretty. So I was sure that you wouldn’t bite.” Siyeon finishes off with a smug grin.  

 

And Minji blushes, the reds creep up onto her cheeks, and she wonders about just how many different girls she has used the lines on. But it works because the compliment stays in her mind and she thinks that it is going keep her smile on her face for a long period time.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adventures, adventures and more adventures. 

 

That’s what Minji has been indulging in for the past few weeks – nothing planned, nothing in their schedule with nowhere in their mind. They became really close. They didn’t get out of the bed when they didn’t have enough sleep, they stayed indoor when it rained and held their body close, nuzzling against each other and they headed out only when things were starting to get dull. 

 

And Minji allowed herself to be dragged across places to places by Siyeon’s invading arms, with a lingering smile on each other’s faces.  _Picking flowers in the park’s garden, trying out the food samples across supermarkets, making a toddler cry, ordering chicken in a Vegetarian stall._

 

They must be crazy but for once, Minji enjoys Siyeon’s way of living. Not having to worry about anything and just do it. And she has to admit that this is one of her best time in her life. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“When are you leaving this city?” 

 

Minji lays on Siyeon’s chest, drawing her fingers in long circles against her midriff. She didn’t want to ask but she understands that all good things will eventually come to an end. After a meeting comes the parting, a farewell. At the end of the day, they have to go back to reality, back to home, back to where they really belong to.  

 

That’s what the pictures and memories are for.  

 

“After I’m done with my bucket list, I guess?” Minji buries herself close to the crook of Siyeon’s neck, inhaling the fragrance of the sakura shampoo that is still on her hair. Like how she wants to keep a part of the girl with her if she can’t stay. 

 

“And is it going to be done soon?” 

 

“I think so?” 

 

Siyeon is quiet; she is nonchalant; she is detached. And Minji can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and uneasiness welling up in her heart as she watches the constant movement of the pencil, striking off pages after pages of activities done.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Have you ever felt like you’re not enough?” 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Minji brings her arms to the back of her head as she stares onto the white ceiling. Emotions are hard to comprehend sometimes. “Like, you’re not a good student, not a good daughter, not a good friend. Like, for everything you do, for every effort you make, they don’t matter. Or to put it simply, you’re just not good enough for the world.” 

 

Siyeon frowns and sighs, “Of course you’re good enough. You’re good enough for me.” 

 

“People said that to me all the time too. They often told me about how much they envy me because my life is perfect – I have good grades, I have many friends around me and I have a happy family who dotes on me but I still doubt myself sometimes. I think people have too high of an expectation from me. I’m not even that good.” 

 

“You’re belittling yourself.” 

 

“I just,” Minji let out a deep resigned breath. “I just wish that people will love me as Kim Minji, a normal human being, not as a perfection. It’s funny how everyone kept saying that they love my smile. Does that mean that they will love me lesser if I don’t smile? But I don’t smile all the time. I get sad too.” 

 

“You can’t satisfy everyone, Minji,” Siyeon explains. “People leads different life and experience different things. But this is your own life. You are free to say whatever you want, you are free to do whatever you feel like, at whatever pace that you think is comfortable. You have no obligations towards anyone. Don’t let others define your worth.”  

 

Minji hums in agreement and turns around, her eyes darting to the girl beside her. She’s always a great comfort, knowing the appropriate time to say the right words she wants to hear. Then, it daunts onto her that even though they have known each other for a while now, she still doesn’t really know a lot about Siyeon. “What about you?”  

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“What’s your worth?” Minji says. “You seldom talk about yourself. I want to know too.” 

 

Siyeon stays silent, her mind drifting into deep thoughts as the night deepens and Minji can only wonder.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji loves to be surprised. In fact, in this dull life, who doesn’t? But when Siyeon barges into the room one day in the middle of her reading session, clad in her usual denim, casually announcing that she has signed them up for a mountain climbing trip, and that she’s going to complete her bucket list after that, she’s stunned. 

 

Yes, she loves surprises but mountain climbing is a huge matter, not one that she would expect to be informed just two days before the trip. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the day comes, Siyeon drags Minji off the bed at early dawn, jumping in excitement. 

 

The bus ride takes around two hours, after making a quick stop-over at a nearby coffee shop and taking some de-routes. The bus is rowdy, mostly carrying tourists but they still manage to catch up on the sleep that they had lost just to not miss the bus. 

 

The base camp is eerily quiet, it’s cold and they think that they are the only tour group here. But when the tour guide gestures them into their individual resort home, Minji thinks that this is paradise. Except that they are interrupted every now and then for training. And she thinks that she will have to blame Siyeon for this hassle.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You haven’t told me yet, where exactly are you heading to?” Siyeon suddenly asks, disturbing the silence that has been lurking around for a while now. And Minji doesn’t mind. 

 

They are sitting by the river, the ends of their pants folded and their feet soaked in the cold water that produces ripples whenever they kick it. And they lean closely onto each other, their bodies jerking sideways whenever one laughs. There is no magnificent night view so far, but Siyeon is hopeful that there might be fireflies, or even better, shooting stars. And Minji thinks that she is too naïve.  

 

“I don’t know,” Minji shrugs. “Does it matter?” 

 

“Everyone has a destination to go to – places to visit, a place to stay, a place where they belong to, a place to call home.”  

 

“Well, then I haven’t figured out mine. Is that a bad thing?” 

 

The corner of her lips twitch before it spreads into a warm smile and Minji thinks that she can see the worrying thoughts deepen beneath the façade. But she doesn’t question and she doesn’t ask. They had a long day, maybe they are both just worn out. 

 

“Hmm, I guess not. Take it slow. You have decades ahead to think about where you really want to go.” 

 

“What if…” Minji hesitates on whether to bare her emotions out as she plays with the hem of her shirt. Because it’s a night like this, so quiet and somber that she just wants the girl to listen every of her heart-felt words that she’s going to say, “What if I just want to stay here with you?” 

 

Siyeon snickers first, as if she is mocking herself for god knows what reason. And then she turns around to face Minji and places a palm on her cheek, thumb brushing against her lips, the remaining smiles gradually falter away and Minji sees the sadness in her eyes but all she can think about is the warmth that touches her skin, the warmth that reminds her that she’s not alone and that she won’t ever let her be lonely, “But you can’t.” 

 

“Why not?” 

 

Minji holds her gaze onto Siyeon’s, both of them are desperate. One desperate to tear down the other’s walls and one determined to run away. But Minji is tired of hiding, tired of running around in circles. Is her love not enough? She questions herself. And why, why does she see herself in Siyeon’s eyes? 

 

Then her eyes fall onto the rosy lips, it is alluring and yet tainted with torn but Minji still leans in. 

 

Once, twice, thrice and their lips press together. It started off as an eager one at first, with Minji tugging onto her bottom lips, because she isn’t good with words so she will show the girl through her action. After a few more tugs, Siyeon gives in and the table has changed, with the girl now taking the lead and Minji will gladly follow, like how she will follow her to wherever she goes. Take it slow, take it slow. Minji lifts a hand and pulls their head closer and deepens the kiss, and she takes her in, letting her lips melt into Siyeon’s, she thinks that the girl tastes like strawberry, like intoxication, both sweet and bitter at the same time, like someone who she is willing to be drunk in for the rest of her life.  

 

Everything is perfect, they were so perfect and it should have been until Siyeon pulls back first, her expression regretting everything that has just happened. But her eyes never leave Minji’s, her stare so deep that it almost make Minji believe that the girl is going to love her the same way she does. And that she will accept it.  

 

“Because I’m going to heaven, Minji.” 

 

And she doesn’t want to think too much about what those words really mean. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji used to think that she is good at catching people’s emotions. Because she was always an observant and sensitive little girl, always maintaining the peace within her group of friends, and she still is one. It’s a virtue, just not this time. 

 

Thunder roars through the sky, drizzles are pouring, it’s raining but Minji doesn’t care. She storms out of their shared space without turning back, edging away from the desperate calls for her name. She wants to be unreasonable, she wants to be defiant even just for once. 

 

Minji is angry, she is furious. No, it’s beyond that. She is hurt, very disappointed in the girl because how could she? After all these while, after all these memories that they’ve had together, how could she not tell her anything?  

 

Those pills in her bag, those scars on her arms.  

 

How had she not noticed them before?  

 

And she thinks that Siyeon is going to continue keeping things from her forever if she hadn’t caught her pacing around the bathroom sneakily in the midst of an insomnia. It isn’t fair. Minji has given the girl all of her, so why won’t she share a piece of her? Does she mean anything to her? Are they even something?  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minji returns when she feels her anger subsides and is ready to face the girl. She exhales a deep breath, letting the rational part of her brain takes over. Then her eyes flutter opened at the sight of Siyeon, she rarely cries but on this particular night, for the first time, Siyeon breaks down and Minji sees fear, she sees uncertainties. Of what? Of them? She never knows. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Siyeon apologises.  

 

Climbing onto the bed, Minji wraps her arms tightly around the broken girl and runs her palm down her back to soothe her cries. They talk a lot that night, about anything and everything under the starless sky until they’re too tired to continue. And for the first time, Minji is the one holding the shivering body close to her, whispering gentle lullabies in her ears and luring her into dreamland, assuring her that everything will be okay. 

 

When the snores reach her ears, chest moving up and down in a steady rhythm, she sneaks a goodnight kiss onto Siyeon’s forehead. 

 

If Minji is everyone’s sun, then she will be Siyeon’s only moon.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So, you love me?” 

 

Minji doesn’t exactly remember when the sudden question happened but she thinks that it must have been during the third or forth night, when she was slipping in and out of her consciousness. Because the memory is faint and vague. They were both knocked out after a day of training.  

 

“Really? Are you sure you need to ask this? Isn’t it obvious already?” Minji says and let out a long yawn, rolling onto her side to face the girl. And she doesn’t miss the blank look in the girl's eyes. 

 

“How much is your love for me then?” 

 

Minji scoffs, “Stop, I’m getting offended.” 

 

Siyeon gives her a nudge on her shoulder and chuckles and Minji realises how much she loves hearing that laughter. She can listen to it forever, “Come on, don’t be stingy. I really want to know.” 

 

Minji lifts her fingers and traces the silhouette of Siyeon’s face, then moving down to her eyes, her nose, her lips, meticulously taking in her every features. She is beautiful. Words won’t be enough to describe it. No wonder she falls for her. “Bigger than the universe.” 

 

“Wow, that’s a lot,” Siyeon gasps in awe. “Now I feel really undeserved.” 

 

“No,” Minji whispers. “Don’t ever be. It’s what I want to do. And I’m willing to give you all the love you think you don’t deserve.” 

 

“Then do me a favour, will you?” 

 

“Tell me about it.” 

 

Siyeon’s hand intertwines with hers, preventing any further movements. And Minji waits and waits for Siyeon to say something and she watches as her expression went through different phases of hesitation before it eventually settles on a smile, “Love yourself too.”  

 

 

 

 

 

 

They are drinking. Yes, a day before their actual mountain climbing, they are drinking. They are supposed to be sleeping and getting ample rest. But when Siyeon went outside for a phone call and returned into the room with two bottles of alcohol that she bought from a local store, Minji couldn’t refuse.  

 

Because Siyeon looked… a little sad?  

 

And that’s what she can’t understand about Siyeon no matter how much she loves her. One moment she’s happy and cheerful and another moment, she will be all down and distant. But she’s willing to try.  

 

Minji doesn’t know how but they manage to find their way onto the roof, the door was unlocked, the staff had probably forgotten about it and  _damn_ , the view is spectacular. It makes her wonder why haven’t they done this sooner?  

 

“So, it’s a goodbye after this?”  

 

Siyeon chucks down mouthfuls of alcohol and let out a burp. They laugh. They are sitting at the edge of the roof and apparently there’s a small unobstructed space that fits the two of them just nicely. “Why can’t it be ‘see you again’?” 

 

“I don’t want to be too hopeful.” Minji admits.  

 

“But we all need a little hope, don’t we? If not, how are we supposed to live life?” 

 

“Shhh,” Minji shushes Siyeon’s lips with her finger and frowns. “Don’t say that.” 

 

“I’m stating a truth, Minji. You always hear people talking about getting rich, having a big dream, and you think that it’s hilarious. But when you look back at it, at least they have a goal, they know what they want to fulfil in their life. Unlike us. Life without something to look forward to is really pathetic.” 

 

And Minji thinks that Siyeon is right.  

 

All her life, she has been listening to the adults – study hard, get a good job and marry. When her dad told her that she was too young to have a boyfriend in high school, she broke up with him. When her mum suggested for her to take up medical, she didn’t hesitate to do it. And when her relatives praised her repeatedly in a family gathering, chanting about how lucky her parents was to have a daughter like her, she gave her best smile and nodded along with them.  

 

Then she met Siyeon who broke her every rules and coerced her into doing everything that she thought she wouldn’t be doing in her lifetime. And Minji thinks that she has been having too much in this new world that she doesn’t even want to think about going anywhere anymore.  

 

What is she going to do after going back? Study more? But she has already graduated from college a few months ago, so, now what?  

 

“But you’ll do fine in life,” Siyeon breaks the deafening silence as she pulls Minji closer into an assuring hug. She seems to be able to read her mind.  

 

“I’ll miss you though.” 

 

“I know, I will too but this is how it is. People come and go all the time. You just have to get used to it. But don’t worry, Minji. We’ll definitely meet again.” 

 

Minji doesn’t know when the tears have started to form in her eyes but her vision is starting to get blurry and she suddenly feels her heart wrenches because even from a close distance, she can’t see Siyeon clearly anymore, as if she’s going to slip past her grip anytime.  

 

“And if we don’t?” 

 

“I say we will. Fate had arranged us to meet for the first time, the second time, so there has to be a third time, right? Somewhere in the future. Maybe a year later? Ten years later? Or even better, two months later? You never know.” Siyeon smiles and raises her fingers to wipe off the tears from Minji’s face.  

 

“Your memory is already failing you. It should only be the second time if we meet again. The first time was totally intentional.” 

 

Siyeon laughs, feeling really amused about how adamant the girl is to be still harping on that same matter, “Fine,” she raises her arms in defeat, “Fine, whatever you think is right then.” 

 

The sound of their clinking bottles echoes loudly in the somber night and Minji gulps down a mouthful of the alcohol, feeling tipsy already. Then, the universal clock on the resort rings; it rings every day at the same time. 12am, time is passing fast. But this is not it, there’s still something that has been bugging Minji’s mind and she’s yearning for an answer. So, she gulps down more, trying to wear down her high alcohol tolerance so that she will have the courage to say whatever she wants.  

 

“Hey, Siyeon,” Minji calls out, so ever gently. “Can I ask you something?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I, um, I am different, right?” Minji stutters, lines of crease appears in her forehead and she fumbles her head for the right words, struggling to get her feeling across. “I mean, w-we were something right?” 

 

“Of course, Minji, of course. Don’t you ever doubt that. You will always be someone special and no matter where I go, I’ll always have you in my heart. You’re not someone that I can forget that easily,” Siyeon slurs and pulls them closer, rubbing their noses against each other’s, her fingers playing with the few strands of loose hair that have separated from its herd.  

 

And Minji is relieved, she is contented.  

 

“You know,” Siyeon continues, “There were many times when I almost wanted to just not care about the consequences like usual and tell you ‘I love you’. But love is a big word. It means responsibility which I don’t think I’m capable of right now.” 

 

Minji holds the other’s hand and lays quietly on her shoulder, “You can say it and I’ll still listen,” Her words feel soft against the harsh night. 

 

“Not now, I wish I could but not now, Minji. Maybe I’ll say it next time we meet again and by then, hopefully, I can learn how to love you all over again properly.” 

 

Minji doesn’t know what to say, or rather, how she is supposed to feel? She isn’t prepared for a confession like this. It’s either yes or not, white or black, there shouldn’t be any in-betweens. So, they love each other but they can’t be together because it isn’t the right time? When will be a right time? Nevertheless, Minji respects her. And she takes it as a promise. She will wait. 

 

“Make a wish,” Siyeon says. 

 

The shoulder moves and Minji groans, feeling a little irritated, probably because she has drunk too much. And when Siyeon squirms in her seat further, Minji sees the girl pointing a finger towards those glistening stars shining brightly above the sky. Siyeon seems to love chasing the impossible – they are so near yet so out of reach. Just like Lee Siyeon, herself. “What for? They won’t come true anyway.” 

 

“Maybe it will this time.” 

 

“Stay,” Minji let out without much thoughts, believing her this time but the other only laughs. And she laughs too. It’s still her wishful part of thinking after all. 

 

Siyeon shakes her head, “No, try again.” 

 

“Kiss me then.” 

 

No more words are exchanged as Siyeon grabs Minji’s head and pulls her in. And the latter doesn’t hold back on her eagerness to reciprocate the kiss, hands grasping tightly onto Siyeons’s arms and nails clawing at her skin. She doesn’t care anymore, even if she leaves a mark, so be it. And Minji doesn’t remember how long they were up there but she knows that they’ve kissed, and kissed, and kissed for a very, very long time.  

 

It felt like a dream that she didn’t want to let go. 

 

Like, _forever_... 


End file.
